Escape the Drama Triangle – Change the Script

From Drama to Empowerment: Why Your Mindset Matters More Than You Think

Author: Amanda Taylor

Let’s talk about something that plays out for all of us daily. Sometimes hourly. It’s called the Drama Triangle, and once you see it, you can’t unsee it.

The Drama Triangle was first developed by Stephen Karpman, and it maps out three common roles people tend to fall into when they're under pressure, emotionally charged, or just stuck in unhelpful patterns. They are:

• Victim: “This always happens to me.” Powerless. Overwhelmed. Helpless. Hopeless.
• Rescuer: “Let me fix this for you.” Over-functioning. Saving the day. Burning out. Needed.
• Persecutor: “This is your fault.” Critical. Controlling. Frustrated. Points the finger.

Now, before we point fingers, let's be real. We all land in these roles. You might bounce between them in a single conversation! It’s human. It’s automatic. It’s a way of managing discomfort and stress.

But here’s the thing: when we stay in the Drama Triangle, we stay stuck.

This dynamic is all about focusing on the problem. It generates anxiety, encourages blame, and keeps us looping in patterns that don’t move us forward. And no matter which role you’re in, it’s exhausting. It fractures relationships and undermines leadership (especially self-leadership).

Let’s zoom in for a second on the Rescuer, because on the surface, this one can look like the “good guy.” Helping. Fixing. Doing all the things. In fact, the Rescuer is often getting all the accolades in an organisation. But here’s the hard truth: rescuing can actually be disempowering. When we swoop in to fix someone else’s problem, we’re often reinforcing the message that they can’t do it themselves. We unintentionally hold them in the Victim role. And while we're busy carrying everyone else’s load, our own energy is depleting. That’s where burnout sneaks in, quietly, but relentlessly.

So, what’s the alternative?

Meet the Empowerment Triangle, developed by David Emerald Womeldorff and Donna Zajonc. It flips the script and invites us into a far more constructive mindset—one that’s grounded, clear, and creative.

Here’s what it looks like:

• Creator (instead of Victim): You ask, “What can I do?” Or “How would I like this scenario/situation to look?” You focus on what’s possible and take small, empowered steps.
• Coach (instead of Rescuer): You support others by holding space and empowering them by asking powerful questions, and trusting that they are capable.
• Challenger (instead of Persecutor): You speak with honesty and compassion. You stretch others, not shame them. Focus on the learnings and how to move forward.

When we shift into these roles, something powerful happens. We stop reacting and start responding. We move from survival mode to a solutions mindset. We create movement. We reclaim our energy. We lead better.

And here’s the kicker: it’s not about never falling into drama. It’s about noticing when you do, choosing differently, and learning to show up in ways that truly support others without burning yourself out in the process.

It’s not about being perfect, it is about being aware.

The Drama Triangle quietly sabotages prioritisation and time management because each role pulls you into urgency rather than importance. In Victim, you feel you have no choice, your calendar fills by default, and you accept whatever shouts the loudest.

In Rescuer, you say yes to other people’s problems, over function, and spend hours on urgent but not important work while your own priorities stall. In Persecutor, you create pressure and control, which drives reactivity, extra meetings, and reporting that soaks up time without moving outcomes.

These patterns erode boundaries, scatter attention, and crowd out deep work. The way out is to notice the role, then shift to an empowered stance, creator, coach, or challenger. Creator asks, what outcome matters now, and books time for it. Coach supports others to own their next step instead of rescuing. Challenger sets clear agreements and protects focus.

When you step off the triangle, time becomes a leadership choice, not a reaction.

So next time you find yourself stuck, ask:

• Am I in the Drama Triangle right now?
• What role am I playing?
• What would it look like to step into Creator, Coach, or Challenger?
• What’s one shift I can make to move forward with more clarity and intention?

This awareness is everything. When we catch ourselves in drama and choose to respond differently, we lead. Not just others, but ourselves - with authenticity, strength, and purpose.

It's a simple framework, but it changes everything: your conversations, your leadership, your life.

This is the real work. And it's what creates sustainable, empowered leadership from the inside out.