Tag Archive for: Values

In leadership and relationships, it is often the small gestures and words that make all the difference.

 

Strengthen-Relationships

 

I have often been surprised at the number of times I have been reminded of my words and gestures from the past, how they have remained in people’s minds and in some cases had influence in their thinking and on their actions. To be honest, this has not always been in a positive sense, with mistakes and errors in judgment coming back to haunt me at various stages of my life as well. But this blog is more about the positive aspects of our words and gestures.

In my last 6 years of full-time work for GE I had the pleasure of working with another leader, Luke, who I was able to help support, influence and develop, as he did me. We spoke about many things and subjects during this time including the importance of connecting with others. We regularly reminded each other of the content of previous conversations and the phrases used, providing opportunity to delve deeper and reflect upon during our discussions and afterwards. By talking things through and as a result of the enhanced understanding of ourselves and each other, our relationship developed.

These are some of the most meaningful conversations I have had, providing opportunity to challenge, be challenged and reflect upon afterwards. My relationship and related conversations with Luke were one of the key reasons that I sought to develop my coaching and mentoring capability, and ultimately create CoachStation. His influence and the effect of our many ‘chats’ has been profound, but not all relationships need to be this comprehensive to have an impact.

My experience taught me that it is often the seemingly small and less significant conversations that people remember. Each of us have diverse beliefs, motivations, emotional structure and needs. As a result, we respond differently to words used and conversations held, influencing our memories. This makes sense if you think about it. If you remember back to your childhood, what are some of your earliest memories?

I am sure that, like most of us, you can recall some of the more poignant and meaningful moments, sometimes with amazing clarity. These points in time and subsequent memories often stem from brief comments or phrases that have stuck with you forever. Some of these may have been the sting of criticism or feelings of hurt…and many of them are positive, meaningful flashes in time.

I bet that if you approached some of the people involved in those original conversations now, they would be unlikely to remember the conversation, moment or recognise the impact the exchanges had.

In my lifetime I have been in the fortunate position to have assisted and coached many people personally and professionally, both in and out of the workplace. This has been through informal and formal coaching and mentoring, leading teams and helping friends and families, as they have assisted me. Those moments when someone refers back to our earlier conversations can be very meaningful and validate many of the approaches and styles of leadership from your past. They also provide evidence for the power of coaching and benefit of having an ‘external’ person to share relevant themes with.

In leadership, how you make people feel is as important as what you do and say.

I am a keen follower of sport. In particular a passionate fan of the Australian Rules Football (AFL) team, Port Power, based in South Australia. It was a struggle for Port in the years around 2008 and immediately after, not having made the finals for some time. They have a proud history and made many structural and personnel changes over over that period to bring the results back to where the fans expected the team to be.

In 2006 Port had the great fortune and foresight to draft Travis Boak. He was brought up in country Victoria, so like all interstate moves, this was significant.

The opportunity to return to Victoria was always an option. After his initial contract period, Travis had the opportunity to return home to his family, which had a strong pull for him. He was approached by other teams and there was a real risk of Travis going to a team with a seemingly bigger upside, fan-base or budget, if reports were to be believed. His Father, who he was very close to, had recently passed away, which was an added incentive to return home. But he stayed. Why? Integrity, loyalty, commitment, relationships and I am sure many other attributes and values formed part of his decision-making.

Based on his work ethic, leadership and other traits, the team appointed Travis Boak as captain in 2013. I do not know Travis personally and have never met him but he is a great choice as captain of the Power. There would have been many reasons for him to stay and for him to leave, for that matter. However, after reading an article about his appointment, it reminded me of the importance of those little moments and the words that people use (the impact can be compelling!) that I am sure helped Travis make his decision to remain with the team. In part, the article read:

The phone call on draft day, 2006

There are few days as nervous as the day of the AFL national draft, where players worry about if they will be picked up, where they’ll end up if they do, and what they will do if they are overlooked. Boak had been an outstanding junior footballer, tipped to go in the first round – which he did – and needn’t have worried about being selected. But the day is still an indelible memory. Not so much for the draft itself, or the realisation that he’d have to leave Victoria, but because of the phone call from Port Adelaide captain Warren Tredrea. He still has a chuckle when he thinks back to the day. These days, Tredrea is somebody Boak will seek out for advice on being captain, a former teammate who’s now a mate. Back then, realising who was at the end of the line when he picked up his phone made his heart skip a beat. “On draft day, the thing that stood out wasn’t having my name read out but when Tredders (Tredrea) gave me a call that day,” Boak said. “It was just a great feeling when that happened. I was just an 18-year-old who had watched this superstar on TV and then you get a call from him. It was just surreal, crazy. All of a sudden you get a phone call from Warren Tredrea, congratulating me and saying he was looking forward to catching up with me on Monday.

Although not privy to the conversation between Warren Tredrea and Travis Boak, the esteem that exists when they talk about each other and the way it made Travis feel then and even now, says something about how the discussion went. It is important to recognise these moments – in the moment if you can. It is too easy for to be oblivious to the influence the words chosen can and do have. The words, terms and expressions we use have a significant impact on others, as they did for Travis. If you have not already done so, I hope that you have the benefit of experiencing what this feels like at some point in your career and journey.

  • Respect the relationship, intention and reality of the situation – be modest in your approach in those conversations when someone reminds you of your words from the past and influence you have had.
  • You may not even remember what you said or the specific conversation, however it meant enough to this person to bring it back up and remind you…and clearly meant enough for you to share the words in the first place.
  • The moments are powerful, validating, humbling and remind us all of the importance of relationships and connecting with others.
  • Do not underestimate the power of your words – which can have both a positive and negative impact.
  • Choose your moments carefully – and the associated words to match.

It may be something as simple as remembering someone’s birthday, thanking them or recognising the impact an individual has had in your life.

Be brave, be honest and share your thoughts – the effect, inspiration and benefit is not always obvious in that moment, but the evidence continues to show us that they are worth cherishing…and repeating.

Have you experienced the ‘upside’ of earlier comments and conversations? Is there a downside? I look forward to hearing about your experiences – please share them below.

Update 2025:

Travis Boak, the quintessential one-club man, has confirmed he will retire at the end of the 2025 AFL season after 19 seasons with Port Adelaide. He will finish with 384 games to his name, having chosen not to chase the 400-game milestone despite being in contention. Boak was drafted from the Geelong Falcons with the No. 5 pick in 2006, making his debut in 2007, and quickly became a cornerstone of the club. In 2013, he was named captain and wore the No. 1 jumper until stepping down in 2018. Over the course of his career, he became Port Adelaide’s all-time games record holder.

His time in the AFL was marked by consistent excellence and an ability to deliver when it mattered most. Boak earned three All-Australian selections in 2013, 2014, and 2020, won the John Cahill Medal twice in 2011 and 2019, and collected multiple Showdown and Peter Badcoe VC Medals. In 2020, he finished runner-up in the Brownlow Medal and featured prominently in other major player-of-the-year awards.

What defined Boak beyond his skill was his loyalty and leadership. He stood by Port Adelaide through turbulent years, guiding the club with quiet professionalism when others might have moved on. Former teammates have compared him to greats like LeBron James and Tom Brady, a testament to his lasting impact and professionalism. His decision to retire coincides with the planned departure of long-time coach Ken Hinkley, with both men determined to finish on a high.

Boak’s legacy lies not just in his statistics but in the respect he commanded on and off the field. He was not the flashiest player in the competition, but he embodied the traits every club values: consistency, loyalty, selflessness, and mental toughness. Choosing to step away while still highly respected, he leaves the game with his legacy intact, valued, and untainted, a true Port Adelaide great.

No matter which AFL team you support, it would be difficult to not respect the man as well as the player. #legend

 

Related Articles

Leadership is a RelationshipMichael Ray Hopkin, Lead On Purpose
How to Build Leadership Skills When You’re Not A LeaderDavid Burkus, LDRLB: Leadership, Innovation and Strategy

Travis Boak: Why I didn’t bail on Power – Jesper Fjeldstad, Adelaide Now

Like many of you, I have spent some time over the past weeks reflecting on 2012 and planning for next year. As cliche’d as it may be, the years do seem to be passing more and more quickly, although I feel this is a reflection of our lifestyles and a symptom of the modern world. It has been a year of significant change for me, as I took the step to leave full-time employment and work full time in and on my consulting and leadership development businesses, CoachStation and Telework Management. Pleasingly, I have never been so comfortable and content with my current and future work situation.

Beyond my family, one of my great joys is writing and I have taken much pleasure from the blogs constructed in 2012. It dawned on me today that if our favourite music artists can take their best songs and make a compilation then there is nothing stopping me from doing the same…any excuse will do! CoachStation Leadership Blog HighlightsThis blog highlights some of the best ‘bits’ as highlighted by my readers and my personal favourite statements and points gleaned from this years CoachStation blogs. My first job out of school was in a radio station in Adelaide and like other stations, our catch-cry at the time was ‘Greatest Hits and Latest Memories’…a theme I will borrow for the moment as you read through my Greatest Hits. Enjoy!

Effective leadership is neither easy nor a given – it takes effort, practice, ongoing learning & persistence. The rewards that stem from being an effective leader are difficult to articulate or describe to someone who has never felt them. Read More: Leadership: It’s About You

Every individual has different expectations of themselves, their leader and the employer. Each team member brings different skills, values, biases, desires and other personal traits to their role. It is the leaders job to understand the employee well enough to blend business needs with personal needs. Read More: Expectation Setting – Who Cares?

I see managers rewarding and recognising employees based on the end result, with no regard as to how it was achieved…the ‘right’ journey will more often than not provide the ‘right’ result and the team culture, ethic and standard will be reinforced even further as a result. This point focuses on the ‘how’. Ultimately, the long-term culture and level of understanding benefits from this mindset. Read More: Leadership, The Coach and Coaching

Effective leaders ensure that they seek to understand both the planned outcomes and how their people are going to influence and drive all of the elements within the process to achieve that outcome. I often wonder what it is about processes that many managers have a need to see as entirely separate from their people…If we are not clear about what role our team member’s play in the overall project then the entire process change will likely fail. Read More: People and Process: Aligned or Loggerheads?

Many a plan or process has failed due to a lack of clear direction and early identification of the problem to be solved, leading to a poor concept of the strategies required. Read More: Strategic Thinking and Leadership

The very essential elements of leadership – the measure of effectiveness, credibility and judgment that provides an answer to leadership effectiveness actually comes from those you lead! Read More: Leadership Credibility: The Right To Lead?

The leader who is effective in their role recognises that connection between people occurs through more than just the words used.  An effective leader knows this intuitively and works hard to make sure relationships exist with meaning, even when there may not be an initial strong affiliation. Read More: The Positive Impact Of Connecting

Values are critical for both individuals and businesses. Values provide a base for alignment between yourself and the business that employs you. They allow an individual to feel connected and maintain a clear view of the reasons for doing what they do. Understanding what is important to you personally and at work also assists to motivate or re-clarify, providing direction. Read More: Developing and Empowering Leaders – Richard Branson (Pt 1)

Employ the right people, support and develop them and give them the freedom to make their own mistakes and revel in successes. Read More: Developing and Empowering Leaders – Richard Branson (Pt 2)

Unless your business sees Customer Experience as a culture, not a tool, then your customers will feel the pain of what is not being provided by your customer-facing employees. So often we think business is all about making money and that customers are the most important thing. But if you don’t treat your employees well and give them a reason to come to work, they aren’t going to be motivated to give excellent service to your customers, and customers who aren’t treated well have lots of other places they can go.Read More: 11 Key Leadership and Customer Experience Mantras

How are you choosing to challenge what has been done previously? Don’t accept the reasonable reasons from the past. Read More: Leadership @ Customer Experience Management Conference

Effective leadership and employee engagement are critical factors in providing a culture where people want to work…and to provide more of what our customers want. Building a culture that is actively and meaningfully engaging both internal customers (your employees) and external customers is more easily said than done. A genuinely effective customer experience approach requires a top-down strategy based on broad and extensive cultural change. Read More: Leadership, Employee Engagement and Customer Service

Trust: being trusted and trusting others is a great base to work from. Those who influence most recognise the need for trust and understand the nuances that enable trust to be built. In a real relationship trust cannot be faked. Read More: 360 View in 360 Words: Leadership and Influence

If you do not understand what each of your team member’s core values are, you could be potentially missing the ultimate success of growing and developing your team to be the best they can be. This could be impacting the business bottom line, morale, relationships and other key elements. Read More: Personal Values – One View

The argument of nature versus nurture to me is not the key question. The bigger question, no matter where or how you obtained your role, is: how effective are you as a leader? What I do know is that not all leaders by name are leaders in practice – a title does not make you a leader. Read More: 360 View in 360 Words: Leaders Are Born AND Made

When I reflect on my development, reading has been critical in providing avenues to challenge my thinking. It is my time. A safe and rewarding opportunity. I get to challenge myself with absolute frankness and honesty. My thoughts are between the words on the page and myself. Read More: How Important is Reading to Leadership and Development?

Having worked with many varied people and business cultures and recognising the similarities and differences, it is clear to me that many managers think training and development are the same thing…Having knowledge is one thing, applying this knowledge in a practical and discernible way that makes a difference, is quite another. Read More: Development and Training – Same, Same: Maybe Not?

Self-reflection, taking into account the many factors that influence us all is important for growth. Taking time to reflect provides a platform for improvement and awareness about what is going well and what you would like to change about who you are and what you do. Read More: Efficiency and Effectiveness – Leadership Impact

An organization’s senior leadership team has a significant impact on its employees‘ overall opinions of the company and engagement levels, which have been linked to both earnings per share and total shareholder return…An employee who is fully engaged today will not necessarily be in a year‘s time, or in a month for that matter. Read More: At Last We’re Engaged – Leading Your Team (Part 1)

A leader‘s ability to consistently demonstrate and apply relational skills has a direct correlation to the level of engagement an individual may feel. Providing genuine leadership is key. There appears to be a gap between what employees state is occurring and what leaders feel they are applying in reality. Data and surveys continually reflect the discrepancy between what leaders believe is occurring and what their team members state. Read More: At Last We’re Engaged – Leading Your Team (Part 2)

Developing soft-skills (or ‘hard skills’) requires effort, focus and self-awareness amongst other elements. Is this why the leadership skills that fall under this category are often the ones that are least practiced and improved. Is it fear? If  a leader asks the question of his or her team, they may not like nor be willing to acknowledge the answer. So is there a view for some leaders, based on fear, that it is best to not ask in the first place? Read More: The Current Challenge Of Leadership

My contention is, all kids have tremendous talents…and we squander them, pretty ruthlessly. So, I want to talk about education and I want to talk about creativity. My contention is that creativity is now as important in education as literacy and we should treat it with the same status…In the next 30 years, according to UNESCO, more people worldwide will be graduating through education than since the beginning of history. Read More: Sir Ken Robinson – Education, Our Kids and the Future

People are stretched in their roles, covering more work that previously may have been completed by others who have been made redundant and/or have never been replaced. Read More: Roles, Structure and Instinct

Middle managers are the ones that keep the cogs turning and ensure the job gets done, not the chief executive. They are often not getting the support or training required so that they can maximise operations, as more senior managers tend to get the company-sponsored education opportunities…more businesses need to look at how their middle managers can be supported if they are to effectively lead people and manage the success of operations. Read More: Leadership Training of Middle Managers

…and 2 Bonus quotes from my blogs written for and appearing on the Linked2Leadership site:

This is made even more complex by the fact that human beings are quite unpredictable and are certainly not static like most business data. We have emotional and psychological needs, wants, highs, lows and complexity. There are various aspects of our world today that seemingly conspire against consistency and predictability, but that is what makes leadership so exciting. Read More: On Leadership, Management and Effectively Using Data

Your employees will not necessarily ‘buy- into’ the values and philosophies of your company just because they are presented. In fact, if your team member’s see these values, mission statements and similar as being incongruent with what they see and feel every day, these tools can prove more damaging than not creating them at all. You are setting up false standards and expectations. Effective leaders, displaying the company values, primarily aligned to their own, provide significant power to your business. Unfortunately knowing this and taking appropriate action are not the same thing. Read More: How Leadership and Culture Impact Business Profit

I hope that these blog segments provide opportunity for you to delve deeper into thinking about your own situation and challenge your thinking, especially as we move into a new year – that is the core reason why I write. Similarly, I welcome your comments and feedback. I recently moved all of my blogs onto my company website and as a consequence lost all of the Tweets, LinkedIn referrals and other Social Media references, so please feel free to forward or share with others as you see fit.

I also hope you had a wonderful year and trust that 2013 will bring just as many ‘smash hits’ for you as this year has for me.

I am a keen advocate of the core messages in Simon Sinek’s book and TedTalks. I am sure you will take something of value away from them too. Start with the blog by Colleen Sharen…
You Gotta Read This Book: Start With Why