In today’s fast-paced business world, effective prioritisation and time management skills are crucial for success. One area where these skills play a significant role is email management. With the sheer volume of emails we receive daily, it’s easy to get overwhelmed and lose precious time. The good news is that there are many things you can do to write effective emails.
Tag Archive for: CSLDP Module 4
Listening effectively is a key cog in effective leadership and building trusted relationships. We have all been exposed to those people and managers who do not listen well. In each case this distracted, disrespectful moment of poor communication is frustrating and does little to develop trust, respect and a willingness to open up and share your real thoughts.
However, many of us believe we are better at communicating well than we are. It is worth checking yourself and reviewing how others may see you and your communication capability in reality.
The ability to ask questions to discover and engage, when combined with effective listening skills are two of the most integral facets of effective communication. In a blog I wrote previously along similar themes, titled Communicate Effectively to Influence and Lead, I introduced the concept of different levels of communication. Both blogs highlight the opportunities and risks of good communication, explaining key stages and actions you can take to become an improved communicator. Interestingly, a Harvard Business Review (1) article I read recently highlights the various levels in a different context, relating to listening in particular.
Chances are you think you’re a good listener. People’s appraisal of their listening ability is much like their assessment of their driving skills, in that the great bulk of adults think they’re above average. In our experience, most people think good listening comes down to doing three things:
- Not talking when others are speaking
- Letting others know you’re listening through facial expressions and verbal sounds (“Mmm-hmm”)
- Being able to repeat what others have said, practically word-for-word
In fact, much management advice on listening suggests doing these very things – encouraging listeners to remain quiet, nod and “mm-hmm” encouragingly, and then repeat back to the talker something like, “So, let me make sure I understand. What you’re saying is…” However, recent research that we conducted suggests that these behaviors fall far short of describing good listening skills.
We analyzed data describing the behavior of 3,492 participants in a development program designed to help managers become better coaches. As part of this program, their coaching skills were assessed by others in 360-degree assessments. We identified those who were perceived as being the most effective listeners (the top 5%). We then compared the best listeners to the average of all other people in the data set and identified the 20 items showing the largest significant difference. With those results in hand we identified the differences between great and average listeners and analyzed the data to determine what characteristics their colleagues identified as the behaviors that made them outstanding listeners.
We found some surprising conclusions, along with some qualities we expected to hear. We grouped them into four main findings:
- Good listening is much more than being silent while the other person talks. To the contrary, people perceive the best listeners to be those who periodically ask questions that promote discovery and insight. These questions gently challenge old assumptions, but do so in a constructive way. Sitting there silently nodding does not provide sure evidence that a person is listening, but asking a good question tells the speaker the listener has not only heard what was said, but that they comprehended it well enough to want additional information. Good listening was consistently seen as a two-way dialog, rather than a one-way “speaker versus hearer” interaction. The best conversations were active.
- Good listening included interactions that build a person’s self-esteem. The best listeners made the conversation a positive experience for the other party, which doesn’t happen when the listener is passive (or, for that matter, critical!). Good listeners made the other person feel supported and conveyed confidence in them. Good listening was characterized by the creation of a safe environment in which issues and differences could be discussed openly.
- Good listening was seen as a cooperative conversation. In these interactions, feedback flowed smoothly in both directions with neither party becoming defensive about comments the other made. By contrast, poor listeners were seen as competitive — as listening only to identify errors in reasoning or logic, using their silence as a chance to prepare their next response. That might make you an excellent debater, but it doesn’t make you a good listener. Good listeners may challenge assumptions and disagree, but the person being listened to feels the listener is trying to help, not wanting to win an argument.
- Good listeners tended to make suggestions. Good listening invariably included some feedback provided in a way others would accept and that opened up alternative paths to consider. This finding somewhat surprised us, since it’s not uncommon to hear complaints that “So-and-so didn’t listen, he just jumped in and tried to solve the problem.” Perhaps what the data is telling us is that making suggestions is not itself the problem; it may be the skill with which those suggestions are made. Another possibility is that we’re more likely to accept suggestions from people we already think are good listeners. (Someone who is silent for the whole conversation and then jumps in with a suggestion may not be seen as credible. Someone who seems combative or critical and then tries to give advice may not be seen as trustworthy.)
While many of us have thought of being a good listener being like a sponge that accurately absorbs what the other person is saying, instead, what these findings show is that good listeners are like trampolines. They are someone you can bounce ideas off of — and rather than absorbing your ideas and energy, they amplify, energize, and clarify your thinking. They make you feel better not merely passively absorbing, but by actively supporting. This lets you gain energy and height, just like someone jumping on a trampoline.
Of course, there are different levels of listening. Not every conversation requires the highest levels of listening, but many conversations would benefit from greater focus and listening skill. Consider which level of listening you’d like to aim for:
Level 1: The listener creates a safe environment in which difficult, complex, or emotional issues can be discussed.
Level 2: The listener clears away distractions like phones and laptops, focusing attention on the other person and making appropriate eye-contact. (This behavior not only affects how you are perceived as the listener; it immediately influences the listener’s own attitudes and inner feelings. Acting the part changes how you feel inside. This in turn makes you a better listener.)
Level 3: The listener seeks to understand the substance of what the other person is saying. They capture ideas, ask questions, and restate issues to confirm that their understanding is correct.
Level 4: The listener observes nonbverbal cues, such as facial expressions, perspiration, respiration rates, gestures, posture, and numerous other subtle body language signals. It is estimated that 80% of what we communicate comes from these signals. It sounds strange to some, but you listen with your eyes as well as your ears.
Level 5: The listener increasingly understands the other person’s emotions and feelings about the topic at hand, and identifies and acknowledges them. The listener empathizes with and validates those feelings in a supportive, nonjudgmental way.
Level 6: The listener asks questions that clarify assumptions the other person holds and helps the other person to see the issue in a new light. This could include the listener injecting some thoughts and ideas about the topic that could be useful to the other person. However, good listeners never highjack the conversation so that they or their issues become the subject of the discussion.
Each of the levels builds on the others; thus, if you’ve been criticized (for example) for offering solutions rather than listening, it may mean you need to attend to some of the other levels (such as clearing away distractions or empathizing) before your proffered suggestions can be appreciated.
We suspect that in being a good listener, most of us are more likely to stop short rather than go too far. Our hope is that this research will help by providing a new perspective on listening. We hope those who labor under an illusion of superiority about their listening skills will see where they really stand. We also hope the common perception that good listening is mainly about acting like an absorbent sponge will wane. Finally, we hope all will see that the highest and best form of listening comes in playing the same role for the other person that a trampoline plays for a child. It gives energy, acceleration, height and amplification. These are the hallmarks of great listening.
Resources/References:
(1) What Great Listeners Actually Do: HBR, Zenger and Folkman
We may well be over-complicating the language of leadership and business. Poor communication leads to confusion, mixed-messages and a lack of buy-in from our employees.
After attending the Future of Leadership – Workplace Culture conference in Brisbane last week I have been reflecting on the content from some of the speakers. Gabrielle Dolan, in particular, caught my imagination. Not only because she is a very compelling and funny speaker but also because her key points seem so intuitively right. Reduce complex language and jargon. Communicate messages that people understand – tailor to you audience. Be comfortable and confident in your own style. Use stories to embed the key messages. They are all very useful tips that can make a sustained difference to how your teams perform.
Gabrielle Dolan: The Future of Leadership Conference, Bris, Sept 2015
One of the ways we can step into real leadership is to move away from corporate jargon and be prepared to share personal stories. Every time we use corporate jargon we disconnect and isolate people as opposed to personal stories that connect and engage people. (1)
Many of us are guilty of over-using words, especially in business. I have done it. Many people I work with and for make the same mistake.
The opportunity to provide clarity, context and appropriate levels of transparency is key to us getting what we want as leaders. Yet, it seems we go out of our way on occasion to confuse the message. Gabrielle is a passionate and effective speaker who focuses on communication and story-telling.
For over 27,000 years, since the first cave paintings were discovered, telling stories has been one of our most fundamental communication methods. (2)
The connections and depth that can be achieved through effective story-telling is a compelling reason to focus on message delivery in a way that people understand and remember. These points are reinforced in a recent article written by Gabrielle published in The Age newspaper:
TWO CEOs went walking in the woods and came across an attacking grizzly bear. One stops to put on a pair of runners. The other asks: “Why are you doing that, we can’t outrun a grizzly!” The reply: “I only need to outrun you, not the bear.”
This story explains competitive advantage in a nutshell. Would you remember this tomorrow? Could you repeat it in a month’s time? Most importantly, does it help you understand competitive advantage?
Compare Michael Porter’s competitive advantage definition: “Competitive advantage, sustainable or not, exists when a company makes economic rents, that is, their earnings exceed their costs (including cost of capital).” Is change communication in your organisation more like the first example or the second? Unfortunately, most organisations are closer to the second example.
This explains why research indicates that a large number of organisational change attempts either fail outright or fail to reap significant return on their investment. Last year, Human Synergistics International analysed 41 Australian and New Zealand companies that attempted organisational transformation.
While most of the companies surveyed showed some improvement, only six of the 41 achieved change so significant it could be termed transformation.
Common features of these organisations included:
■ The critical leadership role in ensuring the organisation’s mission, purpose and values were understood.
■ The importance of effective internal communication.
■ The organisation’s willingness and ability to learn, grow and proactively manage change.
The HSI research highlights organisational storytelling as an effective tool in the success of these critical factors. Organisational storytelling is storytelling with a business purpose. (3)
The opportunity to embed core messages that are remembered and embraced with greater clarity and depth is a lesson in communication that leaders should heed. Issues with ineffective or poor communication continue to be put forward as one of the main reasons employees are frustrated with leaders.
In my experience, most people want to feel a deeper connection to what they do, why it matters and an understanding of the contribution they make.
We all enjoy a good story, whether it’s a novel, a movie or simply something one of our friends is explaining to us that they’ve experienced. But why do we feel so much more engaged when we hear a narrative about events? It’s quite simple. If we listen to a Powerpoint presentation with boring bullet points, certain parts in the brain get activated. Scientists call these Broca’s area and Wernicke’s area. Overall, it hits our language processing parts in the brain, where we decode words into meaning. And that’s it, nothing else happens.
When we are being told a story, though, things change dramatically…not only are the language processing parts in our brain activated, but any other area in our brain that we would use when experiencing the events of the story are too. If someone tells us about how delicious certain foods were, our sensory cortex lights up. If it’s about motion, our motor cortex gets active. A story can put your whole brain to work.
And yet, it gets better: When we tell stories to others that have helped us shape our thinking and way of life, we can have the same effect on them too. The brains of the person telling a story and listening to it, can synchronize. A story, if broken down into the simplest form is a connection of cause and effect. And that is exactly how we think.
We think in narratives all day long, no matter if it is about buying groceries, whether we think about work or our spouse at home. We make up (short) stories in our heads for every action and conversation. (2)
Storytelling is one component of effective communication for leaders. But, there are other relevant themes to hone also. I wrote previously that one of the challenges of leadership and communication in general, is understanding the level of detail required relative to each situation. Depending on the need, it can be necessary to discuss in-depth the content for a piece of work; what role someone else is to play in the task; seek input into potential solutions and other relevant details.
Knowing how much detail is going to add value; using language that is easily understood, contextual and not detract from the message or subsequent actions can be the difference between a successful outcome or not. Effective communication is not simply telling an employee. The message must not only be delivered but also understood. How often do leaders become frustrated with a team member who “just doesn’t get it, no matter how many times they have been told?” It may well be worth looking in the mirror to see if the what, how and why are clear and what else can be done to get the message across.
Appropriate context and content based on what is required in each situation is important when influencing and leading. One of the risks is that you as the leader, either do not seek enough input from others and/or confuse the situation as a result of giving too much information. Make your communication clear and memorable.
Using personal stories takes courage because real leadership takes courage.
My advice is to feel the fear and do it anyway…it will be worth the trip. (1)
Too much or too little detail or a lack of clarity and understanding for each role, position and person within your team is unlikely to add value to meeting goals and objectives. The risk of employee dissatisfaction, turnover and a lack of engagement is often the result. Enabling your team to provide input into their roles and that of their broader team is critical.
As a leader, ensure that clarity exists to the most appropriate degree possible. Develop skills in story-telling and influence differently. This does not remove all risk or solve all issues however effective communication that is understood by your team members is a key piece of the leadership puzzle.
Resources:
(1 ) Do You Have The Courage To Step Into Real Leadership? – Gabrielle Dolan
(2) The Science of Storytelling: What Listening to a Story Does to Our Brains – Leo Wildrich
(3) Getting The Story Right Is Compelling For Change Success – Gabrielle Dolan, The Age
The ability to ask the right questions using an approach that is trusted and accepted is one of the great leadership skills.
It can lead to greater clarity, direction, understanding and comfort.
I was in a Skype meeting with a colleague of mine based in Ontario earlier in the week and we were discussing many things. One of the key themes that we deliberated over was the need to ask and answer ‘the right’ questions, that leads to a result that has clarity and can direct to effective and meaningful action.
Let me delve a little further to explain what I mean. As a coach and consultant I am required to help change or improve something, either for an individual client, team or organisation. This is what I do and seems quite clear. However, one of the key challenges that arise is when I am engaged for a purpose that is poorly understood and is not clearly articulated with any depth. This can sound like, “We know something needs to change, but we have not thought through how you can help”. I am not suggesting that a client is required to do my job for me. What I am stating is that definition of engagement is very important. This is as applicable to leading people where guidance and direction provide the platform for success.
Any question can be answered. Most problems have a solution. But, depending on the question asked, the response can be distorted or deliver a consequence that not was intended.
In a literal sense we see this in survey questions. A key word here, a phrase applied there and the outcome can be quite different. This is similar in leadership when developing team members, coaching, generating strategies and completing other tasks and actions applicable to the role. Depending on the question asked, you will get a certain response.
What this means is that we have to be very careful in our language and ensure it matches our intent. Not to the point of over analysis but with enough thought and preparation to ensure that the coach or leader is not phrasing the question to include or attach our own biases, beliefs and/or seek an anticipated outcome already established in our mind. This can be difficult, however is a skill that when practiced can lead to greater proficiency. It serves no purpose to be seeking a solution to a problem that is not clearly expressed.
Put another way, if you do not know why you are asking, why ask?
There must be a reason – what is the concern or trigger? A few key questions to ask that will provide greater certainty are:
- What does success look like? Understand what the expected outcomes look like and any ideas of projected outcomes. The detail is unlikely to be apparent at this stage, but a broad understanding should be understood by all parties involved.
- What has been tried previously? It may not mean that you won’t try them again but understanding prior assumptions and actions can save time and provide additional clarity to the situation.
- How will this be measured? Understand the base measurement. This helps to show impact and improvement and sets the starting point. If it cannot be measured additional questions need to be raised. When absent this can be a major red flag as it influences clarity, accountability and degrees of success.
- Who is going to help, if anyone? Is there a team or any other assistance required or being provided?
- Who are the key stakeholders? Understand who has a vested interest in the work and any outcomes. Assessment of checkpoints along the way is likely to include one or more of the stakeholders. In coaching, this can affect the process and a level of engagement, depending on whether the client being coached has engaged the coach or a third party (leader, business owner etc.) is involved.
Appropriate, well-timed questions in coaching and leadership can mean the difference in achieving outcomes and results with substance or provide weak, non-impacting conclusions. How well these questions are thought through and articulated and by putting some thought and time into preparation is worth the effort. The alternative is doubt, poor outcomes, reduced engagement and other negative consequences. What do you think?