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Stop Rescuing, Start Leading: Managing the Victim Mindset

Every leader eventually meets a team member who plays the victim. Nothing is ever their fault, every hurdle comes from someone else, and solutions always feel just out of reach. These patterns drain energy, slow progress, and can infect an entire team if left unaddressed. The truth is, no amount of empathy or 'fixing' will create change until accountability enters the conversation.

At CoachStation, we often see leaders fall into the trap of rescuing, where they stepp in to solve, soften, or shield. It feels supportive, but it keeps the person stuck. Leadership is not about carrying others; it’s about enabling them to carry themselves. The most effective leaders draw a line between support and rescue, using clarity and boundaries to move their team members from helplessness to ownership. That is where growth, and leadership, really begins.

Leadership is about enabling others to carry themselves, not carrying them.

It is understandable to a degree why a leader does this. It comes from a position of care and wanting to help. However, it is not effective leadership and rarely leads to a change in acknowledgment of the problem and behaviour. Managing a victim mindset takes courage, structure, and emotional intelligence. It requires you to hold the mirror up without becoming the villain. You can learn how to stop rescuing and start leading.

1. Spot the Pattern Early

Victim behaviour follows a script: avoidance, blame, deflection, and helplessness. Recognising it early prevents small issues from becoming entrenched habits. Look beyond words to tone and intent. A victim often positions themselves as powerless, waiting for rescue.

  • They externalise blame or justify underperformance.
  • They resist feedback by framing it as unfair or personal.
  • They draw energy from crisis or sympathy.

Recognise the pattern and address it privately, focusing on behaviour not character. See it as something learned that can be relearned through awareness and accountability.

2. Name and Frame What You See

Victim dynamics thrive in avoidance. Bringing behaviour into the light changes the rules of engagement. Use calm, factual language that separates emotion from observation.

"I have noticed that when challenges arise, the focus often shifts to what others did wrong rather than what you can control. Let’s explore what sits within your influence.”

Framing it this way shifts the conversation from accusation to possibility. You are not blaming, you are reframing responsibility as choice. This subtle distinction is where accountability begins to be understood, accepted and possible ownership shifts.

3. Shift from Emotion to Agency

Emotion drives the victim mindset, but agency rewires it. The goal is to move from helplessness to problem-solving; to replace 'I can’t' with 'I can choose.' Ask questions that pull the focus to what is within reach.

  • 'What’s one thing you can influence here?'
  • 'What would it look like if this went well?'
  • 'What support do you need, and what can you do yourself?'

These questions teach accountability through reflection. Over time, they help the person see that their choices, not their circumstances, drive their results.

4. Stop the Rescue Loop

When leaders over-function, employees under-function. Every time you rescue, you reinforce dependency. Replace rescuing with responsibility. Let them carry their own challenges while you guide the process, not the outcome.

'That sounds tough. What’s your next step?'
'I trust you to work this through. What will you try first?'

Support does not mean shielding someone from consequence. True coaching builds capability, not comfort. When you hold back from rescuing, you create space for growth, resilience, and learning.

5. Apply Structure with REOWM

Unstructured conversations with victims drift into emotion and circular logic. The REOWM Accountability Model anchors every discussion in clarity and progression, guiding the conversation from relationships through to measurable outcomes.

ElementHow to Apply It
Relationships Show empathy without enabling. Respect their perspective, but stay objective.
Expectations Clarify what is required and by when. Vague expectations feed avoidance. Ask what they understand is being committed to.
Observations Ask for self-feedback first. Base your feedback on facts, not feelings. 'You missed two deadlines this month' is clear and defensible.
Why / Impact Explain the consequence of their behaviour — on trust, workload, and team culture. Why are we discussing this? Do not assume what you think is what they know.
Measurement Agree on what progress looks like. Review it consistently, even when uncomfortable.

Accountability is not punitive, it is developmental. The REOWM structure keeps both parties honest and aligned, even when the conversation gets difficult. The key benefit is that conversations that are accountable are easier because the commitment and agreement was made previously. Your role as a leader is to simply ask how they went against the task, goal etc. that they had previously committed to.

6. Hold the Line Consistently

Victim behaviour often tests consistency. The moment you waver, they will reset the narrative and regain control through confusion. Hold your line firmly, without aggression. Do not let the other person avoid through playing in the noise. Continue to pull them back to the point, quite commonly based on behaviours. Predictable leadership dismantles emotional manipulation faster than confrontation ever will.

'We discussed this and agreed the next step. I look forward to seeing that by Friday.'

When you stay calm and consistent, you communicate strength and safety, the very environment people need to shift from fear to ownership.

Conclusion

Leading someone out of a victim mindset takes patience and precision. It is not about winning an argument. It's about changing the story they tell themselves. The measure of leadership is not how much you fix, but how much you enable others to fix for themselves.

When you stop rescuing and start leading, accountability becomes a shared value, not a forced expectation. The result is a stronger culture, healthier relationships, and people who choose to step up rather than step back.

To continue your leadership journey, read Escape the Drama Triangle: Change the Script.

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Conversations With Leaders: Wes Davis

Different industries require subtle differences in style and how leaders impact their teams and results. As part of our occasional series chatting with industry leaders, we recently spoke with engineer and senior leader, Wes Davis. His story is an interesting one, with Wes focusing much of his time and development on the topic of leadership within engineering, rather than simply learning and applying the technical aspects.

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Mastering the Art of Effective Email Communication

In today’s fast-paced business world, effective prioritisation and time management skills are crucial for success. One area where these skills play a significant role is email management. With the sheer volume of emails we receive daily, it’s easy to get overwhelmed and lose precious time. The good news is that there are many things you can do to write effective emails.

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Overcoming Imposter Syndrome and Self-Doubt

Do you fear that you will eventually be discovered as a fraud and you might get found out at any minute? Then you are experiencing something often referred to as imposter syndrome which stems from a sense of inadequacy, despite objectively being competent. You may never fully overcome these feelings, however, there are opportunities to better balance your thinking and self-perception.

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Communicate Effectively to Influence and Lead

To communicate well, is to be understood and to understand. Communication is key to effective leadership. In fact, it is integral in much of our lives. Anecdotally, experience has consistently demonstrated that most issues in business are, at least in part, caused by poor communication.

Are there different levels of communication effectiveness?

In recent years whilst coaching, I have developed a concept regarding the effectiveness of communication. It highlights the need for depth in conversation. To verbally communicate well provides meaning and purpose. It allows for understanding and often, clarity and context. Purpose influences action and improvement. Unfortunately, many managers do not develop this skill to the level required.

Ultimately, our relationships are better for the higher levels of trust and the investment this provides for future communication opportunities.

 

 

CoachStation: Communicate with Depth and Meaning
Photo by Christin Hume on Unsplash

Essentially, we can communicate at various levels of depth. However, most business communication (and that at home too!) often occurs at a moderate and superficial level, at best. I would describe this as a level 1 or 2 type of communication. Our goal is to develop the skill and capability to flex to level 3 and 4, where relevant. To communicate at level 5 takes quite a bit of practice, but is worth the effort and investment.

To communicate effectively we need to move beyond the superficial, to greater depths.

This is particularly important when leading people. The goal is to be heard and understood. Critically, this is as important for your team member or colleague in return. This is achieved when both parties invest in gaining a mutual understanding.

As I have highlighted in previous blogs, the skills of asking the right question at the right time and effective listening are two of the most important leadership attributes to develop.

There are certain situations in our life that call for us to dig deep and talk about what is really important to us. When the stakes are high it is important that we communicate effectively, if we are misunderstood in these important moments it can cause much pain and confusion. When we wish to build trust in a relationship, or when we want to be sure we are really heard, things go much better if we can communicate what we want to say fully and authentically. In reality this is no small thing to achieve and it requires both courage and vulnerability.

We often communicate only half of what is really going on for us. 

If we are to truly communicate then we need to share all of who we are, not just selected parts of ourselves. The parts that tend to get left out in communication are the things that may make us vulnerable to the other, or cause us some shame or discomfort. Yet these are the very parts of ourselves that we need to share…it is necessary to express these things if we want true communication to flow. (1)

The diagram below extends this concept. The 5 levels of effective communication mentioned already are described in further detail. The goal is to develop your communication skills to at least Level 3.

5 levels of effective communication mentioned

CoachStation: Effective Communication Levels Model

Why does it matter to communicate effectively?

The benefits of developing your communicating skills are many. Through practice, when we communicate well, there is feeling of power and influence.

 

It’s easy to get stuck in poor communication habits, speaking or reacting impulsively rather than supportively. But any uncomfortable feelings raised in a difficult conversation can be a short-term inconvenience for a long-term gain if you talk in an honest, open manner.

Supportive communication improves your relationships by focusing on empathy and mindfulness, and it can also help increase positive emotions such as joy, hope, peace, gratitude and love. The body responds to these emotions by reducing stress hormones and increasing endorphins, also known as “feel good” chemicals. Over time, these effects can cause positive changes in mindset and creativity, as well as increase immune function and longevity. (2)

A significant amount of my time when coaching people focuses on their ability to communicate effectively. Effective communication is a skill, attribute and outcome.

The opportunity to invest in your communication skills is one that you must grab with both hands if you want to be a more effective influencer, manager, leader and human. It is difficult to think of a more relevant time in recent history where effective communication has been more important.

 

Consider the information and model detailed in this blog and assess your own skills and importantly, your actions. All of us have the opportunity to improve our communication. The benefits are clear. Making the choice to do so…well, that is up to you.

Let me know how you go.

References and Resources

(1) How can we communicate with authenticity and depth?

(2) Improve your relationships with better communication – Mayo Clinic

Related Blogs By Steve @CoachStation

 

 

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Coaching: Leadership Skills Can Be Learned

Leadership coaching and mentoring can be the difference for managers to become leaders!

 

Managers are often challenged by expectations of meeting and exceeding goals; achieving KPI’s; leading teams and many other aspects of creating and sustaining successful business. Consistently, evidence and research suggests that the biggest challenge for managers is leading and influencing people. Influencing others is core to the leadership component of the role and the single greatest influence on achieving team/business goals and outcomes.

Yet, genuinely leading team members and employees remains something that is often feared and somewhat avoided.

Very few managers instinctively or innately understand all of the elements of leadership and most struggle in this space to some degree. If you have read this far, it is probably because you are relating these points to your current manager or maybe when leading others yourself. The good news; this is incredibly common.

Related: Coaching Leaders – Learning to Lead

CoachStation was created to assist in these exact scenarios. Being competent and confident to lead and manage is not ‘automatic’ just because you have been given the role and title. However, these skills, attributes and leadership capability can be learned. It starts with you.

Fearing the outcomes because you are not focusing on the inputs and things that can be controlled is both ineffective and inefficient…not to mention, stressful!

I have been fortunate to have assisted in the development of well over 550 clients in the last 14 years, through leadership and workplace coaching and mentoring. Very few clients cannot and do not become more effective as leaders, through focused and tailored coaching. That is the power of targeted development.

During this time I completed leadership coaching and mentoring programs with two managers working in the public service sector. Tanya and Steve were great coachees. They owned their actions and were keen to practice the art and science of leadership on a daily basis.

Steve and Tanya were very kind in giving me a gift to show appreciation, which was a lovely surprise. This can be seen in the photo of the framed quote above. A highly relevant statement for the nature of coaching, yet just as relevant in leadership. This information may assist you to understand what ‘success’ can look like as you embark on your development program.

Their comments and feedback provide a relevant and interesting insight into the benefits that can be gained through participating in a leadership coaching and mentoring program. They are worth reading, as context and insight of others can be very powerful.

The opportunity to embark on a coaching and mentoring relationship with Steve Riddle through CoachStation came at an extremely fortuitous time for me. I had been feeling overwhelmed with my work, was becoming increasingly disengaged and was struggling with aspects of my leadership role.

Working with Steve gave me an accountability for ownership of my behaviour, standards and expectations.

Steve is an extremely knowledgeable and effective coach; he listens and understands providing support, resources and guidance. It is no magic trick though, there is hard work to be done. Some of the sessions were quite challenging; as a self-proclaimed perfectionist it can be a little uncomfortable to self-assess and reflect honestly.

However the growth and development I experienced through the program is invaluable and ongoing. The process was just what I needed to re-focus and re-energise.

Under Steve’s genuine and engaging coaching style, I have worked to improve my communication as a leader, streamlined my work processes so that I am working more efficiently and I have a much deeper understanding of my personal values and their influence on my behaviour. These changes have permeated into my personal life. I also feel more assertive, organised and in control in aspects outside of work. Thank you Steve for helping me get there in such a positive and meaningful way.

If you (like me) always read the internet reviews in order to make decisions…and are wondering whether CoachStation is right for you and/or your business, I strongly encourage you to take the step.

Tanya T, Leader

The points made by Tanya about her coaching experience are just as applicable in leadership as coaching. Skills and attributes such as accountability, behaviour, setting expectations, understanding personal values and listening skills all form the core of effective leadership, just as they do when coaching. Along with the other points made, they also provide a ‘self-check’ for a leader (you?) to assess your performance.

I have worked with Steve for the last 6 months. During this time Steve has challenged me in the areas that I needed to be challenged in whilst allowing me to add growth to the areas that I felt I was already quite proficient. Steve is down to earth, has the experience to relate to the scenarios that I have raised and has provided the guidance and coaching that has allowed me to achieve the results that I set out to achieve in those situations.

After 6 sessions with Steve, I can absolutely say that I am more effective in not only my professional life but also in my home life.

Steve B, Leader

Steve mentioned being challenged during his coaching process. To be able to find the balance in challenging someone, without that becoming the focus of the moment is a useful skill.

I often refer to a ‘supported challenge’ as opposed to an ‘unsupported challenge’. When someone feels that you are focusing on them rather than the point, it can feel personal. Then there is a risk of avoidance or blame. Either way this is not an effective methodology.

Steve also mentioned that the benefits have been felt just as much in his personal life as in the workplace. This makes sense to those who have participated in coaching. It is difficult and unnecessary to separate these two aspects of our lives. The coachee is the common denominator and all parts of their lives are positively impacted through development.

 

 

Read related: 7 Tips for First-Time Managers: How to Succeed as a New Manager
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Your Employees, Leadership, Strengths and Diversity

Understanding what your employees want, who they are and what they are naturally good at provides a solid platform for success: personally, professionally and organisationally.

Helping your employees by taking the time to find out these things is good leadership.

A gap exists between what employees want and what leaders deliver. So, what is this difference, between what has proven to work, what should leaders be doing and what actually happens in most organisations? Well, there are books and books covering this topic, but my experiences highlight two points:

  1. The need for focus on strengths
  2. Diversity and differences that naturally exist between people.

Most staff want to have an inclusive culture in the workplace where differences are valued and people can share their opinions. Hay’s Staff Engagement: Ideas for Action report finds 93% pf workers want to be a part of a workplace in which there is diversity in thought. Employers agree, with 87% saying it is important to them to ensure staff feel like they have a voice and can share their opinions at work, although 43% of them admit they can do more to facilitate it. (1)
Which leads to the question, what are the most important skills today’s leaders need to cultivate? They have to recognise that this is a tougher leadership challenge than ever before…you can’t fly by the seat of your pants anymore. You have to be incredibly tough-minded about standards of performance, but you also have to be incredibly tenderhearted with the people you’re working with. They have to feel like you have their back. If they feel like a victim of your leadership, they’ll go elsewhere.
The second principle is that the soft stuff is the hard stuff. Most people that derail as leaders in the corporate world, it’s not because they couldn’t do the math and calculate return on investment properly. The issues are communication and understanding. All of what typically would’ve been called the “soft stuff.” You have to be authentic. You have to be dialled into the soft stuff. Your EQ (Emotional Quotient) has to keep up with your IQ. (2)

The need for focus on strengths:

Focusing on employees’ strengths does more than engage workers and enrich their lives: it also makes good business sense. Gallup recently completed a large study of companies that have implemented strengths-based management practices…e.g. having employees complete the Clifton Strengths assessment, incorporating strengths-based developmental coaching, positioning employees to do more of what they do best every day, and the like.
The study examined the effects those interventions had on workgroup performance. It included 49,495 business units with 1.2 million employees across 22 organizations in seven industries and 45 countries. Gallup focused on six outcomes: sales, profit, customer engagement, turnover, employee engagement, and safety.
On average, workgroups that received a strengths intervention improved on all of these measures by a significant amount compared with control groups that received less-intensive interventions or none at all. Ninety percent of the workgroups that implemented a strengths intervention of any magnitude saw performance increases at or above the ranges shown below. Even at the low end, these are impressive gains.

  • 10%-19% increase in sales
  • 14%-29% increase in profit
  • 3%-7% increase in customer engagement
  • 9%-15% increase in engaged employees
  • 6- to 16-point decrease in turnover (in low-turnover organizations)
  • 26- to 72-point decrease in turnover (in high-turnover organizations)
  • 22%-59% decrease in safety incidents. (3)
Research shows that it is easier to develop your strengths than to develop your weaknesses. 

If you reflect on and consider this statement, it is reasonably obvious and intuitive. Yet, is it what we reinforce culturally and do in practice? Not usually!
Figures show that only 13% of employees worldwide are engaged at work, according to the Gallup organisation. This low number has barely budged since they began reporting engagement worldwide in 2009 – highlighting that the vast majority of workplaces have failed to engage their employees. Why isn’t engagement improving? Gallup estimates that managers account for at least 70% of the variance in employee engagement across business units.
Disengaged workforces are a global problem; and the costs are high. Companies motivate their employees with incentives and unique perks, but none of those approaches address the deeper issue of why employees are so disengaged. The answer is organisational culture and leadership. The formal and informal values, behaviors, beliefs and leadership capability present in an organisation. Very few companies intentionally focus on culture and dedicate enough time to developing effective leaders. (4)

Effective leaders surround themselves with the right people and build upon each person’s strengths. Yet, in most cases, leadership teams are a product of circumstance more than design – Tom Rath & Barrie Conchie, Strengths Based Leadership

The key is to discover what traits and talents are most natural for each of us and then build upon these, to make them strengths. We look at this another way. You cannot ignore weaknesses and areas for development. It is never the case that all of the natural talents and strengths make up all of your role requirements. But, this should not stop you working from your positions of strengths where possible. It is much more likely that you will have passion, interest and commitment working with strengths that you are more comfortable with rather than areas of less talent.

However, when assessing performance most organisations and managers focus on the 10-20% that it isn’t rather than the 80-90% that it is.

Strengths Based Leadership and Engaging EmployeesThis is particularly prevalent during annual appraisals and demonstrated by less experienced leaders in coaching and 1:1 sessions. Organisations are regularly held to ransom by their appraisal systems and the assumed conversations that occur. Unfortunately, the fact that most leaders and employees see the systems as roadblocks and necessary rather than beneficial is a poor start.
The nature of appraisal programs is that the conversations focus more on trying to explain why the employee is not a higher rating than they have been given. A few carefully placed questions and displaying care for the employee and process will shift the onus:

  • Concentrate more on what each employee is able to do well and has contributed to the business.
  • Ask your employees to self-assess and gauge their own performance before providing your thoughts and comment.
  • Blend these points with clearly set expectations and goal setting to provide context and accountability.
  • Thinking about and discussing what the next 6-12 months looks like is key to engaging and providing clarity.

The result is a greater likelihood of appraisals actually adding value.

Diversity and the differences that naturally exist between people:

There are many benefits to working collaboratively and most importantly, understanding other people. In my experience diversity is most commonly a barrier in teams. It affects relationships and is often defined as a ‘personality clash’. It is rarely that simplistic, but is more commonly based around little effort and emphasis on team mates getting to know one another.
Recognising the value each person offers can lead to greater creativity and improved business productivity. Diversity of thought is starting to gain a lot of attention since a workplace that respects and encourages a different way of thinking works more innovatively to bring new ideas to the table. Each individual possesses a range of qualities, traits and backgrounds that influences the way that they think. (1)
A lot of the principles associated with leading a large organisation are unchanged since the advent of the study of leadership. What’s changed is the environment in which people are being challenged to lead. There are two overwhelming forces that are touching everything we deal with now. The first one is the explosion of information. The speed at which business is being conducted is exponentially faster than ever before in the history of enterprise.
The other explosive change is the advent of diversity. You have gender diversity, ethnic diversity, geographic diversity, diversity of lifestyle, and probably the most profound one is the diversity of generations. We have four to five generations working right now. Those two things coming together create enormous stress. Leaders have to deal with that. (2)

Individual leaders and team’s must take the time to increase their own Emotional Intelligence, self-awareness and acknowledgment of the differences between people.
This will reduce or remove the barriers and issues that exist between team members.

The fact is that if you want to build teams or organisations capable of innovating, you need diversity. Diversity enhances creativity. It encourages the search for novel information and perspectives, leading to better decision making and problem solving. Diversity can improve the bottom line of companies and lead to unfettered discoveries and breakthrough innovations. Even simply being exposed to diversity can change the way you think. (5)
The challenge is that acknowledgement and action takes time and effort. Effective leaders engage their team members regularly, not just talk about it or wish it was different. When you more fully understand why others do and say things, the results are:

  • reduced assumption
  • acceptance of differences without necessarily having to agree
  • less negative judgement and more tolerance
  • a solid platform for working more effectively and openly
  • stronger relationships, that have purpose.

To achieve productivity, teams require an environment that reduces feelings of disconnection and maximises collaboration, connection and engagement amongst all involved.
To be an effective and useful leader requires clear focus and action. This focus can be enhanced by learning what is important to each employee, understanding their strengths and acknowledging that the differences between people can be an advantage.

References:
(1) Work Culture, Cara Jenkin: Courier Mail, Saturday 3/9/16
(2) http://www.businessweek.com/articles/2013-07-25/conant-what-derails-most-ceos-is-the-soft-stuff
(3) https://hbr.org/2016/09/developing-employees-strengths-boosts-sales-profit-and-engagement
(4) http://www.gallup.com
(4) http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/how-diversity-makes-us-smarter/

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The Leader Journey is Long and Worthwhile

What makes one leader more effective and capable than another? The behaviours, traits and skills required of a leader are many.

Organisations must focus on developing leaders early and maintain the effort once in the role. Individual leaders must also embrace the challenge to grow and provide more to their team members and employer.

To understand what makes a great leader great, requires reading to understand theory and practice to make development real. Knowledge, however, is only the first step. Knowing is one thing, application and ‘doing’ is something more substantial again. You don’t need to seek perfection, just improvement. This initial step to increase understanding is accessible, possibly more so than ever.

We are genuinely fortunate to have access to so much literature available online that provides this opportunity. Your learning should have a purpose, however. Consider what it is that you want to influence? Is it that you feel you could be more strategic in your thinking? Improve your communication skills? Or, do you want to positively impact employee engagement levels? All of these and plenty more, are admirable goals to improve your leadership capability. The starting point is increasing what you know.

 

CoachStation: Leader Journey and Employee Engagement

Aon Hewitt: 2016 Trends in Global Employee Engagement

 

As one source of learning from my recent readings, several articles and statistics caught my attention that are worth highlighting. I have included links at the bottom of my blog if you wish to read further information from each.

There are valid and proven reasons why organisations must focus on developing leaders.
    • There are many reasons why organizations spend enormous amounts of time and resources on developing leaders. One of the most important examples would be that “Organizations with the highest quality leaders were 13 times more likely to outperform their competition in key bottom-line metrics such as financial performance, quality of products and services, employee engagement, and customer satisfaction.” (1)
    • There’s a leadership problem in the workplace. Companies lack employees with leadership skills and fear they don’t have enough rising leaders to take the reigns. Almost half of the companies surveyed for Workplace Trends’ Global Workforce Leadership survey in February and March 2015 said that leadership is the hardest skill to find in employees. What’s more, among the 1,000 employees surveyed, only 36 percent said leadership is a strength in their organization. (2)
It is incredibly important to understand what leadership roles require and to develop the leader before taking on the role.
    • The vast majority of (leadership) challenges dealt with people issues. Things like managing former peers (about 20% of responses), managing conflict, improving morale, building trust, earning respect (about 15%), or working with older or more experienced team members (about 13%.) The second biggest bucket contained performance management issues. This included setting goals, providing day-to-day feedback, coaching, redirection, and year-end performance review (about 13%.) The topic of the third big bucket was personal concerns about the new role. It included time management, prioritization, and finding balance along with trying to do it all and live up to expectations (about 15%.) (3)
    • Leadership development and coaching is expensive. So it’s typically reserved for those at the senior and executive leadership levels. But that means there’s a whole group of middle and lower-level managers without leadership experience. Their lack of training has a serious impact. Gallup’s 2015 State of the American Manager Report studied 2.5 million manager-led teams in 195 countries. (It) found that the top two reasons employees are promoted to management positions are because they were successful in a non-managerial role and they have experience and tenure with the company. Not because they have leadership potential or experience. It’s no wonder that only 35 percent of managers in the Gallup report were engaged at work. And when managers are disengaged, so are the employees they lead. The study found that employees who are supervised by highly engaged managers are 59 percent more likely to be engaged than those supervised by actively disengaged managers. Throwing employees into leadership positions cold doesn’t work. The new model of leadership development needs to extend to every level of management. Companies need confident and trained leaders throughout the business, not just at the top. (2)
Development of the leader is ongoing, consistent and focused when performed well.
    • Further, employees are looking for personalized career direction at every stage. In fact, most employees are looking for quarterly or weekly feedback and access to development wherever they are. And they expect content, contacts and courses offered at work in the same style they consume personalized content at home through Amazon and Netflix. Personalized employee career development programs, accessible tools and tracking systems and a focus on redefining and re-engaging leadership – at all levels – will help deliver on the innovation and growth that businesses require. (4)
    • The qualities and attributes that make people stand out are based on the choices they make, not only on what they are born with. The choices you make have a lot to do with how successful and effective you become as a leader. Successful leaders are extremely good and efficient with their skills and there is a narrow area where improvement may be needed. These areas may not be easy to recognize intuitively. The basic and most essential component to work on these areas is self-awareness. Being self-aware, with the deep understanding of one’s own thoughts and feelings creates clarity. (5)
Once in the role, the leader must concentrate on their team members, results, communication and many other, sometimes conflicting priorities.
    • What can be managed and enhanced is the effectiveness of the individual company’s workforce. Executives and managers are going to have to understand and optimize the employee experience like never before. That is one of the reasons behind a movement called “continuous listening.” The idea behind “continuous listening” is to gather feedback and take action across the entire employee lifecycle. Often it starts by understanding the onboarding process during a new employee’s first days. It continues with frequently documented performance conversations. Annual engagement surveys are being replaced or augmented with quarterly or monthly pulse surveys. At the end of employment, exit surveys are conducted to understand why someone is leaving and their willingness to be recruited by the organization again in the future. Leaders will need to listen to what employees are saying about the organization and begin acting on the messages by making improvements and having clarification conversations with employees. As following up becomes easier, adding another solution to gather feedback or consider listening more frequently is recommended. (6)

Seek additional understanding and knowledge from whoever and wherever you can. Reinforcement of your existing understanding; potential to be exposed to new ideas and thinking; whilst broadening your mindset and skills comes from many sources. Seek them out. Be deliberate.

Being a leader can be challenging. It is also often rewarding, both personally and professionally. However, it takes effort, persistence and time, which it seems many people struggle to understand and apply. There are no short-cuts, but there is opportunity.

Contact CoachStation today to see how we can turn your good leadership intention into goals, action and improvement.
You, your business and employees deserve the effort.

 

References:
(1) 10 Ways to Grow Leaders in Your Business: Entrepreneur.com
(2) Why Leadership Development Needs to Be Updated: Entrepreneur.com
(3) What’s the Biggest Challenge for First Time Managers: Blanchard LeaderChat
(4) The Global Workforce Leadership Survey: Workplace Trends.com
(5) How Coaching Can Help Executives Bring Out Leadership Traits: Entrepreneur.com
(6) 2016 Trends in Global Employee Engagement: Aon Hewett

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Leadership: Setting Standards and Expectations

One of the biggest challenges for managers who are learning to lead is developing the ability to set expectations and standards and then hold people accountable to these expectations.

Understanding the benefits and why to apply a model such as the one highlighted in this blog is relatively simple, however application, consistency and follow-through can be a challenge for many.

Many years ago I was introduced to a model titled SOI assisting to set expectations and assess performance. The model title is an acronym which stands for Standards – Observations – Impact and has been a simple, yet vital tool in my development and that of others in my coaching and leadership development roles.

The SOI model has become inherently part of how I think and work with others. Through practice and application it has become an unconscious process focused on ensuring people are clear on what is required; measurement against those objectives; and discussions as to why they are important.

Throughout this time and as my exposure and experience increased, I recognised that there were a couple of elements missing in the model that when added, make it clearer and more relevant.

In essence the 5 stages of the model create a structured process for leading and coaching your team members, focused mostly on clarity, context and accountability. As with most concepts or models such as this, they are not pure in that sometimes there is a need to move from step 4 back to 2 for instance. Following the basic principle and order, whilst remaining flexible to return to previous elements is important. Most relevant is the fact that there are no ‘rights and wrongs’ in application, rather discovering a way to make the tool work best for you and your team. A rigid and linear mindset and application of models such as this rarely adds the value it should if too literally applied. Click on the image below to open a full version that can re easily read and/or printed.

CoachStation: REOWM Coaching, Leadership and Accountability Model

Click on the image above to open a printable PDF version of the REOWM Model

 

To fully understand the model and its application it is also important to delve into the 5 elements:

Relationships: I often refer to this as ‘earning the right’ to have any conversation. Regular, informal and formal discussions are incredibly important to developing trust, understanding and depth in any relationship. This is as relevant outside of the workplace as within it. Deliberately taking the opportunity to get to know other people creates the extended opportunity to understand their beliefs, interests, passions, goals etc. Ultimately you need to get to a point where the diversity and differences that exist between people is understood well enough to know how to hold the various, specific conversations required as a leader. This is different for each of your team members. Listening, asking relevant questions and knowing how and why this is different between people will lead to deeper relationships and a greater likelihood of trusted, contextual conversations. That is why relationships are the key to leadership and this tool. Put another way, without strong relationships its is very difficult to apply a model such as this with any meaning or depth.

Expectations: the original model title for this element is ‘standards’. I have changed it as sometimes this word has confused people I work with. It can be identified with standardisation of processes and compliance requirements such as ISO standards – in reality it represents so much more than that. Expectations and standards can and do take many forms. They can be personal expectations from the leader; cultural factors or norms; team-based; KPI’s and many other forms. The most critical part of this point is that it is not enough to simply deliver the expectation(s). A productive and interested leader will ensure that the expectation is understood. On occasion I have requested of a leader to check in with a member of their team regarding what they consider are the top 5-6 things they are most responsible for in their role. Every time there is a discrepancy between what the leader thinks they have delivered as an expectation and what the employee relays back. It is not enough to tell, you must also ask, confirm and regularly check in.

Observations: in essence, this is an assessment of how your employee is going in meeting the expectations previously delivered and understood. It is a progressive discussion and should form a core part of the 1:1 and coaching sessions you regularly conduct. The biggest mistake I see leaders make within this point is that they tell or give feedback in the early stages of the discussion. Feedback and your own observations are important, but so is a self-assessment from your team member, generally sought before your thoughts are given. By asking first you are setting a standard that states that your team members are expected to know how they are progressing and how these changes have occurred. Ownership and accountability shifts with this type of discussion. It also provides an opportunity to understand others perspective; remove assumptions; clarify understanding; and create ownership of development. All of this deepens the relationship and levels of trust when applied with meaning.

Why/Impact: generally the most commonly missed element. Ensuring that clarity exists as to why this expectation is being discussed in the first place is important. It could be that it benefits the employee and their goals; the team; peers; bottom line; contribute to KPI’s; or any other reason for it being key to the discussion at that point. If the why or impact cannot be discerned then it is worthwhile challenging the benefit or focus of that expectation in the first place.

Measurement: along with relationships, this is the other element I have added to the model. Being able to measure progress from a starting point, through improvement, to an end state provides many benefits. The psychological gains in seeing growth or improvement for both the employee and yourself are important. Understanding when things are maybe not progressing as solidly or quickly as planned; helping to see the efforts as an investment rather than a cost; feeling the worth of this effort and the desire to keep trying; learning from mistakes and successes; and celebrating milestones along the journey are all assisted through an effective measurement process. Importantly, this can be qualitative or quantitative. Some of the most powerful measurement processes relate to feedback from other team members; peers; and yourself based on observation.

Often leaders are wary of providing their own view as it is seen as subjective. Don’t be frightened to seek and provide this detail as (particularly when respect and trust exist) a simple acknowledgement or recognition of progress can be the difference between an engaged and disengaged employee.

The opportunity to provide greater context and clarity for people is one that I regularly see could be improved in most organisations. Depth and substance in coaching and 1:1 sessions is critical and a tool such as this can make a real and sustained difference when applied. Each step is important and has its own need. Practice the art and science of effective leadership by using tools such as this. When you consider the option, there is little to lose in trying and much to gain.

Feel free to use this model to the advantage of your team, organisation and self. By clicking on the image above it will open a PDF version that can be printed or shared as you see fit.

Let me know how you go as I am always interested to learn how others gain benefit from information and tools such as this. Additionally. don’t hesitate to contact us if you feel that CoachStation would assist you, your team and organisation.

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Questions and Leadership – How They Influence Decisions and Actions

 

The ability to ask the right questions using an approach that is trusted and accepted is one of the great leadership skills.
It can lead to greater clarity, direction, understanding and comfort.

CoachStation: Questions and Leadership

I was in a Skype meeting with a colleague of mine based in Ontario earlier in the week and we were discussing many things. One of the key themes that we deliberated over was the need to ask and answer ‘the right’ questions, that leads to a result that has clarity and can direct to effective and meaningful action.
Let me delve a little further to explain what I mean. As a coach and consultant I am required to help change or improve something, either for an individual client, team or organisation. This is what I do and seems quite clear. However, one of the key challenges that arise is when I am engaged for a purpose that is poorly understood and is not clearly articulated with any depth. This can sound like, “We know something needs to change, but we have not thought through how you can help”. I am not suggesting that a client is required to do my job for me. What I am stating is that definition of engagement is very important. This is as applicable to leading people where guidance and direction provide the platform for success.
Any question can be answered. Most problems have a solution. But, depending on the question asked, the response can be distorted or deliver a consequence that not was intended.
In a literal sense we see this in survey questions. A key word here, a phrase applied there and the outcome can be quite different. This is similar in leadership when developing team members, coaching, generating strategies and completing other tasks and actions applicable to the role. Depending on the question asked, you will get a certain response.
What this means is that we have to be very careful in our language and ensure it matches our intent. Not to the point of over analysis but with enough thought and preparation to ensure that the coach or leader is not phrasing the question to include or attach our own biases, beliefs and/or seek an anticipated outcome already established in our mind. This can be difficult, however is a skill that when practiced can lead to greater proficiency. It serves no purpose to be seeking a solution to a problem that is not clearly expressed.

Put another way, if you do not know why you are asking, why ask?

There must be a reason – what is the concern or trigger? A few key questions to ask that will provide greater certainty are:

  • What does success look like? Understand what the expected outcomes look like and any ideas of projected outcomes. The detail is unlikely to be apparent at this stage, but a broad understanding should be understood by all parties involved.
  • What has been tried previously? It may not mean that you won’t try them again but understanding prior assumptions and actions can save time and provide additional clarity to the situation.
  • How will this be measured? Understand the base measurement. This helps to show impact and improvement and sets the starting point. If it cannot be measured additional questions need to be raised. When absent this can be a major red flag as it influences clarity, accountability and degrees of success.
  • Who is going to help, if anyone? Is there a team or any other assistance required or being provided?
  • Who are the key stakeholders? Understand who has a vested interest in the work and any outcomes. Assessment of checkpoints along the way is likely to include one or more of the stakeholders. In coaching, this can affect the process and a level of engagement, depending on whether the client being coached has engaged the coach or a third party (leader, business owner etc.) is involved.

Appropriate, well-timed questions in coaching and leadership can mean the difference in achieving outcomes and results with substance or provide weak, non-impacting conclusions. How well these questions are thought through and articulated and by putting some thought and time into preparation is worth the effort. The alternative is doubt, poor outcomes, reduced engagement and other negative consequences. What do you think?

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